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An Ode to Fake Tan

October 12, 2009

oompa_loompa_fake_tan_400x300

I love fake tan, I really do. But I fear that it hates me

I always end up orange and as stripy as a bee.

 

Those once nice people at L’Oreal promised me ‘No streaks!’

Now I think they’re all a bunch of awful, lying freaks.

 

I am just so orange, I look like I’ve been Tango’d

Like I should be on Strictly, dancing the Fandango.

 

I look like I’ve been sunbathing on the surface of the Sun

Like the orange lovechild of David Dickenson.

 

I’ve got the bright complexion of a tiny Oopma Loopma

I’m trying to hide my stripy arms in a long, wool jumper.

 

I’ve just spent hours in the bath and now am all a-flunter

I am so pale & ghostly white and looking like a munter.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 12, 2009 11:05 am

    I love you for getting the word ‘munter’ in there…

    “I look like I’ve been sunbathing on the surface of the Sun,
    Like the orange lovechild of David Dickenson.”

    Best rhyming couplet EVER!!
    x

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