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My most embarrassing moment

October 16, 2009

embarrassed-chimpanzeeThe very lovely Mwa at Lost in Translation has shared her most embarrassing experience and invited other to tell theirs. I thought I’d give it a go to try to banish the demons in my head which, 11 years on are still screaming.

I wouldn’t say I was a promiscuous teenager; I was just rather liberal and free. I was also strangely sensible at 18 and when I got together with my 2nd boyfriend I decided to have a full sexual health check up at my local GUM Clinic. I think everyone should have these tests done, even if they’re in a long term relationship. After all you really don’t know what they’ve been up to in the past & what their previous partners have been up to. I’ve had a few of these ‘MOTs’ and thankfully have always been fine.

To get back to the point though. I was barely 18, full of the joys of youth when I walked into the GUM Clinic that day. I use the word clinic loosely. It was basically a room in the audiology department (bizarrely). Even when the handsome, 30 something male doctor asked me to strip from the waist down & put my legs in stirrups I was still feeling ok. I’d waxed to within an inch of my life and while I didn’t feel exactly comfortable, I knew I couldn’t embarrass myself with an overgrown bush at least. The doctor removed the sheet covering my modesty & was about to start the examination and taking of swabs when he said ‘You know, I have some students who haven’t seen this done, would you mind if I asked them in?’ and without waiting for an answer, bounded out to get said students.

Leaving me on the table.

In stirrups.

With nothing over me.



The shame, oh the shame. 11 years later I can still see the shocked faces of the 2 older women who walked past, glanced in the room and saw me in all my (neatly trimmed and waxed) glory. I was lay rigid on the bed for about 30 seconds and then tried to get my feet out of the stirrups to give myself some cover but in my haste couldn’t! It was like that scene in Friends where Ross is trying out the bed in the birthing centre and gets stuck – legs flailing everywhere. That was me. Bear arse naked.

It must only have been a minute or two before the doctor and his posse of students came back but it felt like a lifetime. I hadn’t managed to extract myself properly from the stirrups and was still wrangling with then now lay half on and half off the bed. The doctor never even apologised and I was so damn embarrassed I didn’t say anything. After the tests I scurried home vowing never to set foot in that godforsaken place again. 

My innocence was lost that day. And possibly the innocence of those two poor ladies, probably just on their way for hearing tests, who were confronted by the sight of my near naked fallulah on display.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. October 16, 2009 9:17 am

    Oh honey!!!

    Too busy laughing hysterically to comment properly but, oh my god!!! I would have sued them to within an inch of their lives!!!!

    Disgraceful… you poor thing!! (but also HA HA!!!)

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      October 16, 2009 12:42 pm

      I couldn’t have sued them – what if my parents had found out I was there??!!

  2. October 16, 2009 9:27 am

    Thank you for playing along.

    Your one was just awful!!! You made me feel so much better about mine. 😉 Thanks!

    Seriously, though – doctors can be such insensitive asses sometimes. You were lucky it was a couple of old ladies and not the leering hospital janitor.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      October 16, 2009 12:36 pm

      My mum’s a nurse so I was panicking some of her friends/colleagues would walk past!
      Glad I made you feel better!

      • October 19, 2009 4:55 am

        yeah thank god i wasnt walking passed how could i look at ur mum and you without terror at not spilling the beans!!! OMG wish i would av seen the poor old dears walking passed saying is that how thet test ur hearing these days!!!

  3. October 16, 2009 10:36 am

    I have tears in my eyes reading your post, but I have to say it did prepare you well for all the indignities of being pregnant and giving birth!!

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      October 16, 2009 12:41 pm

      I suppose that’s true looking back! At least I was prepared though when I was pregnant.

  4. October 16, 2009 12:16 pm

    Fantastic ! At least you were prepared for the whole childbirth thing

  5. October 16, 2009 7:50 pm

    Oh. My. Gooodness.

    I would’ve imploded with embarrassment!


  6. Georgia permalink
    May 16, 2010 6:38 pm

    OMG. EMBARRESED!! D: xxx


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