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Looking back, moving forward & a plea to my friends

January 2, 2010

It’s been a couple of weeks since I blogged. I had a couple of shitty comments both here and on Twitter, not about the blog as such, more about me which knocked my confidence so I just didn’t want to write. It’s taken me a few days of R&R to remember that I don’t actually give a shit about what people think of me. This is my blog, if you don’t like my witterings then don’t read them! Don’t get me wrong I adore the comments I usually get, love people reading my waffle & sometimes break my heart over my piss poor stats but ultimately this is for me. This is where I write about things in my head. It’s cathartic & it’s mine. No one will stop me doing what I enjoy.

That over with, I shall waffle.

It’s Saturday night, 2nd January 2010. Sam is at my parents, Craig is asleep on the sofa. As usual at this time of year I think about the previous year, what has happened, how far (or not) I have come and what is held in store for me during the next 12 months. It’s only really hit me thought tonight (while reading Grazia) that’s its the start of a new decade. The year 2000 seems to be both an age and five minutes ago. I was about to turn 20, a student, I had a boyfriend. I spent Millenium Eve at a friend’s house party. She was almost 8 months pregnant. Not long after midnight her boyfriend (not the baby’s father, the baby was conceived during a ‘break’) threw her down the stairs after she accused him of having an affair with me. It wasn’t true, I was dating his best friend. She was fine, she went on to have a healthy little boy a few weeks later. I don’t see any of those friends anymore.

I had no idea that 10 years later I’d be married, with a baby, my own house and a job I love. I couldn’t have imagined how happy I’d be. Back them I wasn’t very happy. I was a typical self harming, angst ridden teen with a dependancy on too much alcohol and a smattering of drugs. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed. My confidence isn’t much higher but I’m more secure with who I am. I don’t fight (much) with my family. I am a worse friend though.

This leads me nicely on to my New Year’s Resolutions. I will lose the rest of this bloody weight. Being fat has dominated my 20’s and I’ll be damned if I’m going into my 30s like this. Saying that I have troughed everything & anything this last fortnight so I’ve got even further to go now.  I will get my post grad diploma. I have exams in under 2 weeks and haven’t started revising yet. I needed a break. That break may prove to be underdoing but I feel fresher than I have in months. I will hit competancies at work and get to a higher grade. Of course I want the payrise but more I want to know that I’m better. That I can do it. I resolve to be a better wife, to have more sex and more fun. I will keep the house tidier and not let the wash bin overflow.

My most important resolution though is to be a better friend. I love my friends, they’re there for me no matter what but I’m rarely there for them. Telling Craig about it the other day I said that in my currently very full, rather stressful life I can’t drop work , we need the money; I can’t drop uni, I need this qualification to get a promotion; I can’t drop Sam, he needs me. So what do I drop from my life to fit everything else in? My friends (and Craig too but that’s a whole other blog post!). I need to see them more, not turn down invitations (I worry they’ll stop coming soon), remember birthday cards, Christmas cards & anniversaries (I got my dates mixed up with not being in work over Christmas and missed mhy best friend’s anniversary by a day). I need to call more rather than a quick text or Facebook message. I need them to know that I am here for them. I’m having a really shitty couple of years while I finish this post grad diploma (work won’t fund the final year of my masters so I’m having to finish it at post grad level this year). It is tough work full time, studying, being a mum, wife, daughter, sister, grandaughter etc. I am sinking fast. It’ll be all over come 30th April though and I will have both the time and brain capacity to have a full conversation. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to for a while now.  

So to any friends who still care, but don’t think I care about them. I do, I really do. I’ll be back soon, just stick around for now please? I have a feeling that the next decade is going to be a fabulous one for all of us and I really would like to be there for all the good things that will happen.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. queeneileen permalink
    January 2, 2010 10:26 pm

    Missus, I love you. I really do 🙂

  2. January 2, 2010 10:34 pm

    I really enjoyed reading that and I can associate with everything you are saying. Good luck and happy new year x

  3. January 2, 2010 11:15 pm

    I hate it when people hurt others feelings online just because they can behind the anonymity of their computer screen… you are better than them 🙂

  4. January 3, 2010 9:30 am

    Who left you shitty comments and can I kill them please?

    My lovely – knowing how much you have achieved over the last ten years, hell the last YEAR, I know that 2010 is going to be a fabulous year for you, and all the years after that because you deserve every bit of happiness and success that comes your way.

    Looking forward to sharing it with you – I’m behind you all the way xxx

  5. Gemma permalink
    January 3, 2010 12:38 pm

    I second Josie…..can we hunt down the people that left shiity comments….please?

    I often think about you when I’m moaning about having to do isabelle’s food or something… do so much and I really shouldn’t moan about having no time! You are going to achieve so much this year! I’m very proud to call you my friend (if mostly a “virtual” friend!


  6. January 3, 2010 6:50 pm

    Oh dear, I am so sorry that you’ve been upset by someones nasty comments. They are in the minority, so just pity them and their sad little lives. Stay strong, onwards and upwards. Happy New Year. Sue x

  7. January 3, 2010 9:49 pm

    Glad you havent let any nasty peoples commetns put you off. Blog for you and sod the rest of them.

    Wishing you a fab 2010 and sending you lots of positive vibes for your exams.

    I know how hard it is to study and do all the other things necessary to maintain a life and relationships. Your true friends will understand that you are busy and will be waiting for you once your exams are over with.

  8. January 5, 2010 10:26 am

    Hello sweetie, there are two things I want to say. We shall be here for you and I like to read your waffle 😉

    I tagged you in my post today

    But only do it if you have the time!

  9. January 18, 2010 9:11 pm

    I know what you mean about friends but true friends will still be there for you irrespective of how much time you have right now, they’ll understand – I’ve had the same thing with work just taking over completely but there are still people who have waited and understood

    And about the blogging, we love reading you, keep it up please 1

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      January 19, 2010 9:53 am

      Thank you! I’m going to keep plugging away with it and use the delete button more if people annoy me! Lol!

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