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A working mum’s dilemma

February 15, 2010

Being a working mum has thrown up all kinds of dilemma’s I didn’t think twice about before we had Sam. Nothing major or ife threatening but annoying little things that I just used to do.

Can I get a babysitter so I can go to Cheltenham for the company’s National Conference? Who’ll look after Sam for 2 nights? (In the end my exams fell on the same dates so I didn’t go.)

I have an early meeting in Loughborough next week – can I drop Sam off at my MIL’s at 6am? Can he stay over the night before? Can my mum get the day off & have him? Can the bloody meeting be put back? (no, I organised it – idiot) (MIL has come to the rescue & Sam will stay over the night before)

We’re going out straight from work on Friday. Can my mum pick Sam up from our house & take him to theirs? I need my car to drop him off at MIL’s but then if I go home to drop it off & get the tram, I’ll be late. What to do? (not quite figured this one out yet)

Should I book time off for immunisations and look like a pandering mummy to work, or not & look like a bad  mummy to the HV? (I didn’t, the HV didn’t care, Craig & MIL who took him didn’t care – I went to the toilets & cried because I felt so guilty)

Then today’s dilmemma – tomorrow is Pancake Day (yay!!). I love making pancakes. Sam was too little last year but I just know he’ll adore them this year. So – do I work as normal, get home at 5.30 which is too late for Sam to have pancakes as he’ll be just about to get ready for bed? Or do I book the afternoon off work so I can get all the ingredients ready (including a selection of fillings) & make them for his tea (cheesy ham & tomato savoury pancake followed by sweet pancake of his choice I’m thinking)?

I’m considering booking an afternoon off for PANCAKE DAY for christ’s sake.  How did this happen?

How many more of these days will there be? How many more days when I’m torn in two wanting to be a good employee, not wanting to be too ‘Mummy’ around my colleagues? But still wanting to be a good mum, wanting to take my son swimming, make him yummy food, go to music club (I’ve never been) etc? If I go to my boss, asking for the afternoon off, will she think Im an idiot? (I doubt it, she’s great).

Most of the time I’m fine being a working mum. Which is lucky – if I wasn’t we’d be in close contact with the bailiffs by now. I like my job, like being regarded as more than ‘just’ a mummy, I like my colleagues. I even like an hour in the car each way when I can laugh along to Chris Moyles there and  Scott Mills back.

I don’t like feeling torn in two and like I’m missing out on all the good things in Sam’s life. I resent having to make these decisions. I resent the gods for not smiling on me and letting me win the lottery. I resent Noel Edmonds for filling my head with this cosmic ordering crap when it NEVER WORKS!

To book the afternoon off or not, that is the question.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. February 15, 2010 12:10 pm

    I know the feeling well so just thought I would stop by and offer a hug.

    Oh and cosmic ordering not called that in our house, but it worked. I got the things I asked for. I just had to wait a little while.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:35 pm

      I’m not good with patience – I want everything NOW! I need to give a bit more time & who knows! If it works for you then why not>?!

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:35 pm

      And thanks for the hug 🙂

  2. February 15, 2010 12:21 pm

    Bollocks, – just wrote massive post only to have it get lost in hyperspace. So basically I think you are living my life! I know all these feelings so well, and blog about it all frequently, so take heart you are not alone. Secondly take the afternoon off, sod it. You’re only mum to a small person once, they grow up quickly. I work on the principle that I will try and be around for as many nice things as possible and then leave the tantrums and potty training to the nanny. Works for me! have fun tomorrow.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:41 pm

      I’m a reader of your blog & do admire the way you juggle everything. It’s good to know there are people out there going through the same thing! I will ask for time off tomorrow 🙂

  3. susankmann permalink
    February 15, 2010 12:24 pm

    I have the same dilema. I work 4 days a week. I hate leaving my kids but like you I enjoy work and like not being just a mummy. I feel guilty leaving them each day and hated the fact that they may take their first steps without me being there. Thankfully they both did their firsts when I was there. The injections issue you were talking about I have that this week. I have swapped my days off so I can take him.

    You are torn everyday. I don’t know if it does get any better but it does make you appreciate the time you spend with them when you are off.

    Hugs xx

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:42 pm

      Thank you for your comment. Sam also took his first steps in front of me which I really wasn’t expecting!
      I do appreciate the time we have together but it always leaves me wanting more!!

  4. February 15, 2010 12:31 pm

    The way I look at it is this: In ten years, will you or your son remember the afternoon at work, or the afternoon spent making pancakes? But then I judge most of my actions by what I’m likely to think of them ten years from now.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:43 pm

      I know, neither of us will remember half of what goes on at the moment but it doesn’t stop me feeling so damn guilty!!

  5. February 15, 2010 12:41 pm

    I feel for you. As a working mum myself, I’m always torn between kids/ work commitments. And because I’m a freelancer, if there’s work to be done, I just have to grab it (for financial reasons).
    Good luck, and if you can , yes, take afternoon off.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:46 pm

      I can imagine being freelance is even harder than regular hours! At least I get holidays and the benefits that come with working for someone. You must be running around like a headless chicken sometimes – I totally sympathise!

  6. February 15, 2010 2:59 pm

    ALways will be dilemmas and it gets worse when they are at school as there is so much more to organise and they are older and aware if they cant do things. My solution was to go self employed and its the best thing I ever did.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 15, 2010 3:44 pm

      I can only imagine how much worse it’s going to get as he goes to school – not being able to go in because of sickness, assemblies to go to, nativities…. the list goes on! Becoming self employed isn’t an option yet but I’ve not given up on that lottery win. I’m trying to be the eternal optimist!

  7. February 16, 2010 11:15 am

    As a stay at home mum io envy your away time, your chance to talk to adults and sit alone in your car listening to the radio. I think we all get a bit of the grass is greener sometimes.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      February 16, 2010 10:12 pm

      Oh the grass is always greener! I know that if I was a stay at home mum I’d be climbing the walls. I think a SAHM has it far harder. To me going to work is a break, even though I miss Sam like mad.

  8. February 16, 2010 10:29 pm

    I feel your dilema, I had to go to work knowing that my mum would get to share pancakes day with Snaffles.

    I let him stay up 30 minutes later though and we made some together when I got home. Was lovely to have those 40 minutes between me getting home and him going to bed. I spent all day looking forward to it.

    I guess there will always be things we are missing out on. I try and tell myself that it is worth it in the long run and try and make sure the time we have together on my days off is quality time.

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