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April 7, 2010

Dear Craig,

Yes I know I’m messy, I leave cupboard doors open, I have never vacuumed our house, I refuse to mop and I don’t wash up enough but I do cook you nice meals, do all your washing and love you very much.

You aren’t the only one who’s tired and stressed about money. We’re a partnership so lets help each other rather than bickering about who does most (because you will always win & that makes me feel bad).

Yours, a very guilty but defiant wife.


Dear Sam,

I don’t want to suck your dummy when it’s all covered in snot, therefore getting your snot in my mouth. Thanks though. Love you.

Your germ-riddled, about to become poorly Mummy.


Dear Ratface,

Please don’t get my hopes up saying that you might come home for a visit next year if you haven’t decided. Because although you said ‘Don’t get too excited’ I am in fact, so excited I could be sick.

Your ever hopeful sister, Fatarse.


Dear CIPD & Salford University,

I hate you with a passion I never thought possible.

Yours, a very tired, stressed, student.


Dear arse,

Please stop growing so quickly! All 8 pounds I have put on seems to have been taken by you. Be less selfish and send some to my boobs because I look bloody ridiculous.

Your unfortunately disproportionate body owner.


Dear poor, kicked in the bollocks (metaphorically speaking) spirit,

You will be ok, you will return better than ever. 3 weeks to the deadline. We can do it!

Big supportive hugs, Emma. 


Dear willpower,

 Where the fuck did you go? Get back here right now.

Yours, the ever expanding blimp that is Emma.


I deleted a post I published this morning. I’m not the kind of person who moans and admits defeat, I refuse to be. I’m just fine. Or at least I will be in 23 days.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. April 7, 2010 12:33 pm

    That’s my girl 🙂

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 8, 2010 8:40 am

      🙂 I’m ok!

  2. April 7, 2010 1:10 pm

    I sent you an email (actually 3 I think lol)

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 8, 2010 8:40 am

      Emailed you back. xx

  3. April 7, 2010 1:51 pm

    Funny, funny, funny! Hang in there.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 8, 2010 8:43 am

      I’m doing my best! I will not be defeated by a measly 9000 dissertation. I did two 15,000 dissertations when I did my degree so this should be easy!

  4. April 7, 2010 2:34 pm

    You really made me laugh! Great post. I have a little Sam too who is always trying to give me his snot covered dummy. The glamour of parenthood! x

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 8, 2010 8:41 am

      I was holding him, looked away talking and had the mankiest, snottiest dummy I’ve ever seen shoved in my gob. Had to put him down because I was retching so much! Why do they do it?

  5. April 7, 2010 11:39 pm

    Sorry to hear you’re finding things hard at the moment. Hugs to you, and hope you feel better soon! x

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 8, 2010 8:42 am

      Thank you. I’ll be fine soon enough. xx

  6. April 12, 2010 11:47 pm

    It’s so great that you can use humour to help you power through! You’ll be fine! And tell that sister of yours to get her skinny arse back home!

  7. April 15, 2010 9:17 am

    Guilty but defiant! Lol

    Really funny letters and I hope you are all sorted now x

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