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Goodbye 20’s

April 23, 2010

So I’m turning 30 on Sunday and I’m so excited I could cry (in fact I have done quite a lot). Not because my sister can’t be with me (bloody lure of Australia) or because I’m losing the battle with the greys but because I’m so damn happy about it. Most of my friends think I’m a mentalist but I’ve always felt so positive about my 30’s. This will be MY decade, the decade I succeed in, the decade I am comfortable in and the decade I realise just exactly who I am in. Because in my 20’s I didn’t have a clue.

I was talking to a friend at work last week about how I felt really unfulfilled and unhappy with my life. Everything I was questioning came up lacking, my career and me mainly. Obviously I’m very happy being a mum and a wife but I just wasn’t happy in general. She made me realise that it’s normal to reassess your life coming up to a big birthday like 30.

I don’t talk about work on my blog but it’s such a big part of my life that I will give it a mention this once. I’ve recently realised I’m not actually as good as I think I am. I’ve studied hard for 4 years but have no real practical experience. This has left me a bit demotivated and unsettled in my job. However, after a good chat with my manager we’ve put things in place to help with that so I finally feel settled and positive again. I love my job, my colleagues and the company I work for. I can see myself here for years but I lost that for a little while. I’m glad it’s back. I needed to realise that just because I am still an Assistant at 30 doesn’t mean I’ve failed. I just didn’t find out what I wanted to do with my life until I was 26!

I’ve realised that I need to grow up. My house is a mess (despite Craig’s endless attempts to keep it tidy), my paperwork is all over the place, I don’t cook or bake enough, I’m not good at motivating myself to improve things around the house. This has to change. For christs sake, I’m a wife and mum of almost 30. I really should wash up the same night, iron clothes and be able to lay my hands on my most recent MOT that I needed for my car tax (thank god for online taxing, I didn’t need it!) I’m not saying I should be some kind of Stepford Wife but I need to get my act together.

I need a hobby. My studies are almost over (if I hand in this bloody dissertation next week) and I need something else to occupy me. I’m not good at just sitting. Well, I am very good at it but only if I’m feeling guilty about not doing something else. If I sit knowing I can just sit because I have nothing else to do I’ll feel weird. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I’ve decided to start doing my cross stitches again (aren’t my pregnant friends LUCKY?!), I may take up yoga, having been inspired by Josie commenting on Facebook  about how good it is, I’ve started to grow fruit & veg! My lettuce is coming along nicely & this week has seen the first shoots from the pumpkin and tomatoes. I may have already killed the strawberries though. I’m not green fingered at all. I think I’ll take a course in web design, I would like to self host my own blog site soon (I’m such a Technophobe I don’t even know if that’s the right terminology!)

What I’m trying to say and getting all muddled with it, is that I don’t feel like I’m a very good person right now and I really, really want to be. My 30’s will be the decade I achieve. I was such a mess in my teens, an underconfident, overweight 20 something and it’s all about to fall into place. Maybe! The weight is coming off, thanks to #shameyourselfslim, plans are in place for my career, plans are in place for my self improvement and confidence.

I know people hate birthdays, especially a big one like 30 but it’s such a fantastic opportunity to reassess your life, change things and set goals. I’m not telling you what my goals are just in case they don’t work out! We should embrace opportunities like this and make the most of them. 

And remember it could be a lot worse…we could be teenagers again, going through the angst of first love and looking like this.

With my first boyfriend, 1996 age 16

 

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. April 23, 2010 12:01 pm

    I must admit that everything makes more sense now I’m in my 30’s! Although my tidying gene is still absent and my husband still tidying.

    Have a great day x

  2. Eileenhaveron permalink
    April 23, 2010 12:13 pm

    That photo never fails to tickle me. Turning 30 was one of the best things. I actually thought I’d turned into a pretty awesome grown up.
    As for the housework/ironing, I gave up worrying about them. I realised that I’m best working to my standards and not to the standards I (wrongly) assume people judge me by.
    So far, so good.

  3. April 23, 2010 12:18 pm

    LOL at that pic and good on you for choosing the positive.

    Happy Birthday!

  4. April 23, 2010 12:26 pm

    I’ve definitely felt more settled and happier in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s, although whether I will ever really feel “grown up” is another question… It’s great that you are looking at it so positively! Have a fantastic time.

  5. April 23, 2010 1:15 pm

    Happy Birthday! Good luck in persuing all the things that make you feel happy and remember to give yourself a break sometimes. If you don’t like tidying & cleaning and your husband is good at it then let him do it – don’t complain as most men either aren’t any good at it or won’t help because they don’t see it as their responsibility. You are lucky to have a helpful one.

  6. April 23, 2010 3:18 pm

    My 30s have definitely been better than my 20s. Soundslije you’ve had a good think and have set in place lots of positive things – have a lovely birthday and welcome to the next decade!

  7. April 23, 2010 9:08 pm

    Hey Em!
    It’s fantastic that you are embracing this milestone! I turned 26 last week and was totally freaked to be closer to 30 than 20!:) Silly I know!
    Hope you have a lovely day tomorrow.

    xxx

  8. April 23, 2010 11:19 pm

    LOVE that photo!

    I completely agree. My twenties have just been my warm up to the main act. We are going to ROCK our thirties lady.

    Have a wonderful, wonderful day. Much love xx

  9. April 24, 2010 12:09 am

    That boyfriend looks like a young version of Alistair from As Time Goes By!

    I’m loving my thirties. Part of the reason why I love it is because I have accepted I can’t have it all, and I don’t have to do it all. In my twenties, I was desperate to be the perfect working mother, wife, friend, … Now I’ve picked my battles.

    You’re being very hard on yourself. Maybe you should accept that there’s only so much you can do and still be happy/have a life. You don’t “have to” have a perfectly kept house etc. to be happy. For every minute you spend cleaning, there’s a minute you’re not sitting in the sunshine enjoying a glass of wine.

    Please tell me to butt out and mind my own business while I step off my soapbox.

    Happy upcoming birthday!

  10. Karen permalink
    April 25, 2010 2:17 pm

    Emma, I agree with Mwa in that you are being really hard on yourself! Have a fabuous day today – worry about the ironing tomorrow and guess what? Doing the housework will not make you happier! (Well that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it!)x

  11. April 27, 2010 8:11 pm

    30s rock! You have a lot to look forward to.
    May I join in and agree on what Mwa has said? I think you are waaayyy too hard on yourself. I said that before, I think it is amazing what you are doing and achieving already. Sometimes age brings the ability to see things more relaxed, take it easier. It’s been true in my case and so far I am much happier with how my life turned out. Despite the fact that I am achieving a lot less than I did in my 20s.

    Hope you have a fabulous day! xx MM

  12. helen permalink
    April 28, 2010 1:24 pm

    emma….as a little sister, and someone who knows you very well and ho will tell you the true as always…..
    Grow a back bone and stop being so hard on yourself. Now you are 30 and seemingly very happy with that fact, start to put yourself first. Don’t worry about others, realise you are a great person, mum, wife, daughter, sister (although you need to start ringing me more) and enjoy being you. Stop saying how bad you are etc etc and start looking on the brighter side of life…..for your sake. Love you sisXX

  13. April 30, 2010 11:55 am

    Great way to look forward to the big 3’o’. I have a little over a year to go for my 30th birthday and am going to take a few tips from you.

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