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Not natural

March 21, 2011

My tired little boy half asleep in the restaurant yesterday

I went for lunch yesterday for my best friend’s birthday. Those of us with kids took them along. This was the first time we’d been out with our respective children and for me was rather stressful! Sam was tired, cranky, hungry and a bit of a pain. I was worried what those without children would think of him acting up and if his whingeing would bother other diners. I don’t actually know why I was worried looking back. He was pretty good and after the restaurant had quietened down a bit (he doesn’t like noisy places) he came out of his shell and talked to people.

My friend texted me last night and asked if I was ok because I’d looked stressed. I replied that I was fine and I was just worried about Sam acting up. I said I wasn’t a natural mum & don’t cope with him alone very well! She completely disagreed (as such a lovely friend would) but you see I really don’t think I’m a natural mum. I’ve always desperately wanted children and I really thought I’d be a great mum – you know the kind of mum who does crafty things with her kids, who plays creative games that are fun yet still educational and never, ever jumps for joy when he finally learns how to play the Wii on his own aged just 2 *cough*. But I’m not! I went back to work full time when Sam was 6 months old. Until he was 2 I studied part time as well. Other people look after him much more than I do. Monday to Friday he is looked after by his Daddy, his Nana & Grandad and his nursery. We spend Saturdays with my Mum & Grandma and Sundays are family days with all 3 of us. Sam and I just don’t have that alone time we probably need.

When we do have a precious few hours together I don’t really know what to do with him.  I’m a bit embarrassed saying that but I genuinely don’t. I’m not a crafty person, I hate getting messy when painting or cooking, I’m not the kind of mum to get muddy running through parks and woods. I’m just not a natural, maternal mummy kind of mum. He knows how to play the Wii, he loves to dance, likes pushing his shopping trolley round Asda and taking his baby round the shops. So we do that. We play Peppa on the laptop and Humf on the iPhone. A couple of weeks ago we bought sweets, popcorn and chocolate and put Hercules (one of my favourite Disney films) on. He just wanted to play Skittles. Which I hate.

So if I’m not a natural mum, what am I a natural at? Not being a wife I think my husband will be the first to tell you that right now. Not being a blogger, as my recent absence (and forgetting to write promised posts) has shown. Not being a knitter, as my dropped stitches are announcing to the world. Not being a friend, I struggle to attend most nights out now due the lack of a babysitter or money. Not an employee, my lack of emotional intelligence is shocking. Not a photographer, as the top photo shows!

I’m not naturally anything.  I’d like a niche of my own, something I was really good at. I’m a jack of all trades but master of none. And I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 21, 2011 2:28 pm

    You don’t give yourself the credit you deserve. You’re a great mum. I mean it. You bowl me over with your enthusiasm when you play games with both my boy and yours, and I’m tired just watching – I always feel like I should be participating far more once I’ve seen you in action! Don’t be hard on yourself – you don’t deserve it!

  2. notsuchayummymummy permalink*
    March 22, 2011 1:28 pm

    You had a picnic on the carpet. That rocks! And you’re having Sam over for crafts! I hate doing anything like that.
    Maybe we should have a mutual appreciation society for each other! Or we should have a lot of wine & moan about how crap we are. Let’s do that!

  3. queeneileen permalink
    April 13, 2011 8:53 pm

    listen here, lady. he’s TWO. 2yr olds are the hardest of hardwork and you’re doing a bloody blinding job. look at where you are now from when he was new. and look at where me and Kaz are nearly 10yrs in. i’m still shit at parenting. i just muddle. i’m not a natural, far from it (you’ve seen me skip to the pub haven’t you?) but you just Do. And you do it to the best of your abilities and believe me, that is far and beyond the best for your child.
    you may question yourself but your boy will think you the best mummy on earth.

    • notsuchayummymummy permalink*
      April 14, 2011 8:13 am

      Oh bless you Leenie bops. This parenting lark ain’t easy at all. It must get better though at some point. Maybe when they leave home? I think you do a dandy job with Will. He’s funny, polite & pretty damn cool. I’d call that a success! xxx

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