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I think too much – the zombie edition

March 27, 2013

One of the things I’m most scared of is zombies. So, as with my other great fear, sharks, I feel I should know as much as possible about them in order to defeat them. (Sharks – go for the eyes! Or just don’t go in the water). Of course there isn’t a definitive guide on zombies, mostly just piss poor films which I’m too scared to watch. I IMDB them instead. I do this with all horror films so I know what happens when people talk about them but I don’t scare the bejesus out of myself. Sneaky.

So, last night after I’d read up on the latest research (World War Z) I started to wonder: why brains? Why do zombies want to eat your brains and not sat, liver or heart, or skin even? They’d have a better meal if they ate skin, there’s so much of it compared with brains. No wonder they’re always on the hunt for more brains, they’re relatively small and wouldn’t fill you up for long.

Then it occurred to me. It’s not fiction! There are zombies out there and they are after brains! This isn’t something made up by fiction writers. ‘They’ have studied them & we know they eat brains, much like we know pandas eat bamboo and koalas eat eucalyptus. So where are they? I’m going with Siberia, they probably go after the yetis which is why there haven’t been confirmed sightings yet. Zombies have eaten all the yetis!

In conclusion, having proved that zombies exist (and have decimated the yeti population)  I am totally justified in being afraid of the Zombie Apocalypse. I feel vindicated.

And ever so slightly worried for my sanity.

 

(no pictures as I will have nightmares if I Google zombie images.)

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